old friend
i t s b e e n a w h i l e
hasn't it?
I've missed you
it's true
oh
you know
still searching
yes, but
i AM circling IN
on some
THING
mut
that is
c o u r a g e
it's what we need
THAT is what one needs
courage
courage to move
F O R W A R D
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Friday, August 20, 2010
here, here i am
blue sky at dawn, can't sleep.
FORK IN THE ROAD:
but what should I do?
.................................
t i m e w i l l t e l l
.................................
FORK IN THE ROAD:
but what should I do?
.................................
t i m e w i l l t e l l
.................................
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
fight till the end
sometimes its hard
harder than you think
PUSH PUSH PUSH
p u s h t h r o u g h it
let it be/what it wants/to be
harder than you think
PUSH PUSH PUSH
p u s h t h r o u g h it
let it be/what it wants/to be
Thursday, December 24, 2009
to grow is to be and to see
s a t i s f a c t i o n!
from action, -
a reaction?
a tricky thing, it is:
TO LIVE...
but
a d a p t a t i o n
IS KEY TO
s a t i s f a c t i o n!
---------------
I've come a long way, but I've got to keep moving (chuggin') along.
But growth is key, I find. A necessity.
[Self-reflection as well.]
Although, growth without reflection is: (impossible?)
Unsure I am
of what lies ahead.
BUT confidence will come,
the further from --
MISTAKES and (belly) ACHES
from action, -
a reaction?
a tricky thing, it is:
TO LIVE...
but
a d a p t a t i o n
IS KEY TO
s a t i s f a c t i o n!
---------------
I've come a long way, but I've got to keep moving (chuggin') along.
But growth is key, I find. A necessity.
[Self-reflection as well.]
Although, growth without reflection is: (impossible?)
Unsure I am
of what lies ahead.
BUT confidence will come,
the further from --
MISTAKES and (belly) ACHES
Thursday, June 11, 2009
state of the (brain) address
the M E N T A L zone you make in -
create in - your mind.
Monday, June 8, 2009
earth-colored clay
I'm starting to get a clearer picture...
of what might be
the potential that could be
O P T I M I S T I C
I'm malleable
ever changing
never stopping
choo-choo!
of what might be
the potential that could be
O P T I M I S T I C
I'm malleable
ever changing
never stopping
choo-choo!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
tango til' their sore
H E A T --
it's making me,
turning me,
churning me,
in and out and up and down
C R A Z Y (!)
the weight at the end?
i f e e l a l l a r o u n d m e
pressing down on my back
tension, where is your release?
the END is in sight,
but out of reach
please, come quick!
save me.
no way out but through.
UNFORTUNATELY
Monday, March 2, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
24 and counting
getting older
feels like...
s t r e t c h i n g
through
a
continuum of time
yesterday feels like
ages ago
but 1990 is
in my back pocket
clear as day
will it get any
e a s i e r ?
please, say yes.
feels like...
s t r e t c h i n g
through
a
continuum of time
yesterday feels like
ages ago
but 1990 is
in my back pocket
clear as day
will it get any
e a s i e r ?
please, say yes.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
full circle
i have made a
D E C I S I O N.
a
D E C I S I O N(!)
has been made
a decision
to return to
...
what was once
commonplace.
sometimes that is
the M O S T
simple, free(ing?)
ah yes:
l i b e r a t i n g.
---------------
let me try
red, pink, & white
i can feel [him]
it stares back
[at me]
waiting/watching
come
catch me
when I
f
a
l
l
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
D E C I S I O N.
a
D E C I S I O N(!)
has been made
a decision
to return to
...
what was once
commonplace.
sometimes that is
the M O S T
simple, free(ing?)
ah yes:
l i b e r a t i n g.
---------------
let me try
red, pink, & white
i can feel [him]
it stares back
[at me]
waiting/watching
come
catch me
when I
f
a
l
l
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
on a path to fulfillment
giving things up is always hard to do -- but especially hard when you have compulsive/obsessive tendencies like me. what I'm realizing (more and more) however, is that the golden rule of "small but mighty" can be applied to more than just a games of chinese checkers. if you take it day by day, something that seemed impossible initially, will become inevitable with each passing day of success!
in the same vain as 'practice makes perfect' i think i am really starting to appreciate the rewards of self-discipline, focus, will and drive (something that I struggled with throughout college, i think). and this is not only in light of my recent lifestyle changes, but a general philosophy/principle that i want to start applying to all aspects of my day to day living.
in general, things seem to be going in my favor as of late and i want to keep it that way. in my eyes, the only way to maintain my current level of 'success' is to stay focused, be determined to continue on this path, and ultimately remain humble with each advancing step i make. other than that, it is out of my hands... i just need to stayed focused, and go along for the ride of a lifetime. be it up or down.
IN OTHER NEWS
alice comes to new york on monday! i'm really excited to host her for a month in new york (we finally finished renovating the equip. room and it's awesome, fo sheezy!) .... funny that i've been to switzerland so many times within the past ten years, and she hasn't been back to the states since that fateful night we hitch-hiked out of sea ranch, california (at age 15 and 13, respectively) on a mission to get some chocolate. those were the good old days, all right. carefree summer days, youthful optimism, and california sunshine -- who could ask for more?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
so here's to a new year and a new way of life -- still the same life, but with a different fire set underneath it. to meeting new people, attaining new prospects, and success with all that we so desire.
in the same vain as 'practice makes perfect' i think i am really starting to appreciate the rewards of self-discipline, focus, will and drive (something that I struggled with throughout college, i think). and this is not only in light of my recent lifestyle changes, but a general philosophy/principle that i want to start applying to all aspects of my day to day living.
in general, things seem to be going in my favor as of late and i want to keep it that way. in my eyes, the only way to maintain my current level of 'success' is to stay focused, be determined to continue on this path, and ultimately remain humble with each advancing step i make. other than that, it is out of my hands... i just need to stayed focused, and go along for the ride of a lifetime. be it up or down.
IN OTHER NEWS
alice comes to new york on monday! i'm really excited to host her for a month in new york (we finally finished renovating the equip. room and it's awesome, fo sheezy!) .... funny that i've been to switzerland so many times within the past ten years, and she hasn't been back to the states since that fateful night we hitch-hiked out of sea ranch, california (at age 15 and 13, respectively) on a mission to get some chocolate. those were the good old days, all right. carefree summer days, youthful optimism, and california sunshine -- who could ask for more?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
so here's to a new year and a new way of life -- still the same life, but with a different fire set underneath it. to meeting new people, attaining new prospects, and success with all that we so desire.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
re: kundera
i feel just as thankful (more, even) on new years, than I do on thanksgiving.
but it makes sense...
New Years is always a great 'holiday' because it is a chance for many people from different times to come together and celebrate the possibilities of the future.
--family of friends---
... the future seems weightless to me.
but it makes sense...
New Years is always a great 'holiday' because it is a chance for many people from different times to come together and celebrate the possibilities of the future.
--family of friends---
... the future seems weightless to me.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
ENDGAME
it's ironic that i've become so into chess no more than a month after I successfully cracked Beckett's "Engame" and am concurrently having trouble with me actual endgame, while at the same time am physically in the endgame of the semester.
All that pawn and rooking.
Anyone have any tips on improving your endgame (literal and metaphorical)
All that pawn and rooking.
Anyone have any tips on improving your endgame (literal and metaphorical)
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
tea for two, and two for you... tea for me?
It's almost through... ---
A year and a half of grad school has zipped past, and I find myself feeling more and more like a real director. The confidence, the insight, the visions of what could be. I am beginning to realize the real importance of research and how that impacts the work you do as a director. To direct is to be a student of life, and I think I've made the right choice because I'e always known that I was a life-long student. I may not end up being IN school for life, but I will never stop absorbing, will never stop learning. Because what is life without knowledge and understanding?
---------------------------------------------------------
My little personal/emotional crisis that I was dealing with about a month ago has passed. I am comfortable in my own shoes once more - thank god! School is good - great, even: Im doing good work, and I feel myself growing artistically. Ideas are brewing and I am comfortable in New York City again. Alice told me that it is normal to have a crisis about halfway through your studies... I wonder why that is? I can't remember if I had one at Gettysburg, I don't think so -- maybe it took it's form in my switch to the Philosophy department, and then to theater?
All in all though, school is good. It's tough, but it is so rewarding and the more I do, the more I begin to realize that I really think i've found my calling. Things that used to be a struggle now seem to come a lot easier, and the more I practice the better I become. Many believe that artists are lazy pot smokers who just sit around and "create" but to be a truly great artist you need discipline, and dedication... but that is if you are really after creating art (and I mean all kinds of art - video, photography, painting, theater, music, writing, whatever) I'm not out to become the next hollywood star. What I really want is to be satisfied and happy. Satisfied with my work, my life, my location, and my comfort level. But things are going well and I can't complain.
I got hired to direct a one act play at the Philipstown Depot Theater in Garrison, NY. It's a mere 30 minutes away from NYC, but the minute I step off that Metro North train platform I am immediately transported to another world. I love the feeling of being back in nature! At the base of Bear Mountain, and on the edge of the Hudson river I feel a release in the breath of fresh air. Listening to the quietness of nature, and the humming ofthe birds in the trees makes me happy. There is something refreshing about being surrounded by our good old earth. I think if I weren't an artist, I would be a tree hugger. Or maybe an appalachian nomad.
---------------------------------------------------
It was around the beginning of October that I began to feel stifled by the concrete jungle of New York. It seemed claustraphobic and heartless - but I've found it's soul once more. It might be that friends from the past have entered back into my life and I have begun to remember what MY new york is all about. Sometimes I get caught up with all these new york city transplants and I loose sight of the greatness of this city. There is so much that it has to offer, and I want to eat it up. Culture and books and museums and art. Where else can you get all of that in one place?
A new prospect is on the horizon that I won't mention just yet because it's bad karma, but it could be BIG people! Cross your fingers for Sarah Bellin - 2009 might have something very exciting in store.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Winter keeps creeping in and then running away. I want the snow to come, so I can go skiing! Cross Country at the Pallisades, or Mount Tom in MA, or even better: cousin jimmy's place in VT! Let's pray for a cold winter.
Keepin' it real and feeling loud and proud
-s
A year and a half of grad school has zipped past, and I find myself feeling more and more like a real director. The confidence, the insight, the visions of what could be. I am beginning to realize the real importance of research and how that impacts the work you do as a director. To direct is to be a student of life, and I think I've made the right choice because I'e always known that I was a life-long student. I may not end up being IN school for life, but I will never stop absorbing, will never stop learning. Because what is life without knowledge and understanding?
---------------------------------------------------------
My little personal/emotional crisis that I was dealing with about a month ago has passed. I am comfortable in my own shoes once more - thank god! School is good - great, even: Im doing good work, and I feel myself growing artistically. Ideas are brewing and I am comfortable in New York City again. Alice told me that it is normal to have a crisis about halfway through your studies... I wonder why that is? I can't remember if I had one at Gettysburg, I don't think so -- maybe it took it's form in my switch to the Philosophy department, and then to theater?
All in all though, school is good. It's tough, but it is so rewarding and the more I do, the more I begin to realize that I really think i've found my calling. Things that used to be a struggle now seem to come a lot easier, and the more I practice the better I become. Many believe that artists are lazy pot smokers who just sit around and "create" but to be a truly great artist you need discipline, and dedication... but that is if you are really after creating art (and I mean all kinds of art - video, photography, painting, theater, music, writing, whatever) I'm not out to become the next hollywood star. What I really want is to be satisfied and happy. Satisfied with my work, my life, my location, and my comfort level. But things are going well and I can't complain.
I got hired to direct a one act play at the Philipstown Depot Theater in Garrison, NY. It's a mere 30 minutes away from NYC, but the minute I step off that Metro North train platform I am immediately transported to another world. I love the feeling of being back in nature! At the base of Bear Mountain, and on the edge of the Hudson river I feel a release in the breath of fresh air. Listening to the quietness of nature, and the humming ofthe birds in the trees makes me happy. There is something refreshing about being surrounded by our good old earth. I think if I weren't an artist, I would be a tree hugger. Or maybe an appalachian nomad.
---------------------------------------------------
It was around the beginning of October that I began to feel stifled by the concrete jungle of New York. It seemed claustraphobic and heartless - but I've found it's soul once more. It might be that friends from the past have entered back into my life and I have begun to remember what MY new york is all about. Sometimes I get caught up with all these new york city transplants and I loose sight of the greatness of this city. There is so much that it has to offer, and I want to eat it up. Culture and books and museums and art. Where else can you get all of that in one place?
A new prospect is on the horizon that I won't mention just yet because it's bad karma, but it could be BIG people! Cross your fingers for Sarah Bellin - 2009 might have something very exciting in store.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Winter keeps creeping in and then running away. I want the snow to come, so I can go skiing! Cross Country at the Pallisades, or Mount Tom in MA, or even better: cousin jimmy's place in VT! Let's pray for a cold winter.
Keepin' it real and feeling loud and proud
-s
Saturday, November 15, 2008
the pombom is here
A new prospect for all gaget freaks - a phone that projects powerpoints of "72 on a wall, serves as a razer, a harmonica, and also brews coffee? Rumor has it that it's all a hoax, but the idea is clever and we can all dream, can't we? Since the idea has been put out there, I'm sure somone will figure out a way to engineer it.
Fact, fiction, or future?:::
... if so, say sianara iphone
Fact, fiction, or future?:::
... if so, say sianara iphone
Thursday, November 13, 2008
what was she drivelling about?
thank goodness Endgame is over. It was a little too drawn out, and anticlimactic non-the-less. Onto CHEKHOV!!
I've fallen in love with "The Cherry Orchard" hopefully the visions will remain strong, and I'll be able to create a fully realized design for the play.
Thinking about "Three Sisters" casting
....AND CHRISTMAS BREAK....
I've fallen in love with "The Cherry Orchard" hopefully the visions will remain strong, and I'll be able to create a fully realized design for the play.
Thinking about "Three Sisters" casting
....AND CHRISTMAS BREAK....
Monday, November 10, 2008
President-Elect Barack Obama
At 12:38 am November 5th I received a message from a friend in Scotland who had stayed up all night watching the polls: "Unbelievable, America! Exciting and unforgettable - we recognize you once more. Welcome!" The next day many other notes from abroad flooded my inbox - words of congratulations and a pat on the back from around the world. I'm so proud of this country! I'm proud to be an American for the first time in my life. Deep-seeded resentment and shame I harbored for many years, mostly ingrained into my brain during the early years of my life when I was surrounded by non-Americans, bashing America. But today, and yesterday, and tomorrow I feel proud. It's the dawning of a new time.
As I drifted off to sleep on the night of the election, I heard WOOTS and GO OBAMAS from outside my window... a very good day.
------------------------------------------
Now it's time to go back to school. Or at least put my focus there, but for some reason I feel let down this semester. I feel suffocated and am clawing at the walls. I don't really where it comes from, but part of me is putting the blame on not accepting that touring-gig over the summer. Of course it would have forced me to take a break from grad school, but now that I am here and unhappy it seems that I made the wrong choice. It's easy to just say I shouldn't let it get me down, and that I am young and that opportunities may arise again, but I feel disappointed that I made the wrong choice. Of course, it is possible that I didn't make the wrong choice - but I guess one will never know and that is what I need to get over, and understand about life. There are so many things I could have done thus far in my 23 years that would have placed me in a "better" situation, or worse even. I guess I just need to take it on the chin and let life steer me where I need to go.
Sometimes I miss the iron-cad methodology of science. But it feels too late to retreat to that at this point. And art is inspiring, but can be draining at the same time. Maybe a change of location is needed for me - a new perspective on the world, and what life is and who I can hope to be some day in this world.
I suppose the early 20s are a complicated time, and you are meant to question your existence and purpose in the world... but goddamnit it's frustrating!
--------------------------------------
Next phase in New School for Drama directing program:
*The beckett phase of my training is coming to an end, and boy am I glad. As we enter into Chekhov world, I hope that my sense of things gets more positive.
*CoLab project with Garlia is going to be hot. We are going to make it work and it will shine!
--------------------------------------
I love Towey Tow Truck more than you could ever imagine. And my dad. And cheese. (doodles)
As I drifted off to sleep on the night of the election, I heard WOOTS and GO OBAMAS from outside my window... a very good day.
------------------------------------------
Now it's time to go back to school. Or at least put my focus there, but for some reason I feel let down this semester. I feel suffocated and am clawing at the walls. I don't really where it comes from, but part of me is putting the blame on not accepting that touring-gig over the summer. Of course it would have forced me to take a break from grad school, but now that I am here and unhappy it seems that I made the wrong choice. It's easy to just say I shouldn't let it get me down, and that I am young and that opportunities may arise again, but I feel disappointed that I made the wrong choice. Of course, it is possible that I didn't make the wrong choice - but I guess one will never know and that is what I need to get over, and understand about life. There are so many things I could have done thus far in my 23 years that would have placed me in a "better" situation, or worse even. I guess I just need to take it on the chin and let life steer me where I need to go.
Sometimes I miss the iron-cad methodology of science. But it feels too late to retreat to that at this point. And art is inspiring, but can be draining at the same time. Maybe a change of location is needed for me - a new perspective on the world, and what life is and who I can hope to be some day in this world.
I suppose the early 20s are a complicated time, and you are meant to question your existence and purpose in the world... but goddamnit it's frustrating!
--------------------------------------
Next phase in New School for Drama directing program:
*The beckett phase of my training is coming to an end, and boy am I glad. As we enter into Chekhov world, I hope that my sense of things gets more positive.
*CoLab project with Garlia is going to be hot. We are going to make it work and it will shine!
--------------------------------------
I love Towey Tow Truck more than you could ever imagine. And my dad. And cheese. (doodles)
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Not here, not I...
It feels strange to be back, but the last couple days in Zurich were really amazing and in retrospect I probably should have pushed my flight back een farther than I had... but oh well. Completely back in the grind of school now. Class and rehearsals and more rehearsals... I am not sure how I feel to be back, actually. I am not as excited as I thought I was - everything seems a bit dull after such a whirlwind summer, but I suppose that is natural.
There is a furture in store for me abroad, I can smell it... and almost taste it. I am not sure where my life is going but I know that I've been lucky so far, and hopefully that luck with stick with me. I miss Switzerland so much, though. The environment, the cows, but most of all the people and my friends. I made such good ones there this summer, and rekindled old ones. I am not sure what I am doing in New York anymore... I am really starting to feel that I need to get away.
In October I have an invitation to go back to Zurich (for some business prospects) so I will try and make that happen, although it really depends on how school starts to unfold. Next week begins ADing for the Second Year production of 'Stage Door' directed by Hal Brooks. I am excited to get to watch a professional director in action, because I never have before... so definitely something to be learned there.
Currently directing a whole crapload of Beckett. Getting prepared to go to my first rehearsal of 'Not I' a one person short play that features just a pinspot on the mouth... it ends up looking like a blabbering mouth suspended by nothing... here is one of the most famous versions, starring Billie Whitelaw:
Other beckett that I will be direcitng includes Happy Days, and Endgame. I think I will also get to act in Endgame, since the directors are directing themselves in class...
So I guess it will be an interesting year, I suppose I am just spoiled from Europe and miss it dearly.
There is a furture in store for me abroad, I can smell it... and almost taste it. I am not sure where my life is going but I know that I've been lucky so far, and hopefully that luck with stick with me. I miss Switzerland so much, though. The environment, the cows, but most of all the people and my friends. I made such good ones there this summer, and rekindled old ones. I am not sure what I am doing in New York anymore... I am really starting to feel that I need to get away.
In October I have an invitation to go back to Zurich (for some business prospects) so I will try and make that happen, although it really depends on how school starts to unfold. Next week begins ADing for the Second Year production of 'Stage Door' directed by Hal Brooks. I am excited to get to watch a professional director in action, because I never have before... so definitely something to be learned there.
Currently directing a whole crapload of Beckett. Getting prepared to go to my first rehearsal of 'Not I' a one person short play that features just a pinspot on the mouth... it ends up looking like a blabbering mouth suspended by nothing... here is one of the most famous versions, starring Billie Whitelaw:
Other beckett that I will be direcitng includes Happy Days, and Endgame. I think I will also get to act in Endgame, since the directors are directing themselves in class...
So I guess it will be an interesting year, I suppose I am just spoiled from Europe and miss it dearly.
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