Satyagraha

Scene III ~ 1908 PROTEST

Ghandi's Prayer:

The Lord said:
"Let a man feel hatred for no being, let him be friendly, compassionate; done with thoughts of "I" and "mine," the same in pleasure as in pain long suffering.

His self restrained, his purpose firm, let his mind and soul be steeped in Me, let him worship Me with love, then will I love him in return.

That man I love from whom the people do not shrink and who does not shrink from them, who is free from exaltation, fear, impatience, and excitement.

I love the man who has no expectation, is pure and skilled, indifferent, who has no worries and gives up all selfish enterprise, loyal-devoted to me.

I love the man who hates not nor exults, who mourns not nor desires, who puts away both pleasant and unpleasant things, who is loyal-devoted-and-devout.

I love the man who is the same to friend and foe, the same whether he be respected or despised, the same in heat and cold, in pleasure as in pain, who has put away attachment and remains unmoved by praise or blame, who is taciturn, content with whatever comes his way, having no home, of steady ming, but loyal-devoted-and-devout.

But as for those who reverence these deathless words of righteousness which I have just now spoken, putting their faith in them, making Me their goal my loving devotees, these I do love exceedingly. "

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Terry and I went classy Friday. We went to the MET and saw Philip Glass's opera about Ghandi's South African years, "Satyragraha." It was so moving and powerful and beautiful. The images were just breathtaking...



*Picture from second act, those are big newspaper puppets that float around the back - they come when Ghandi needs strength.

The whole experience was very moving. The final act parallels Ghandi and Martin Luther King, while MLK is perched high in the scaffold delivering his "Dream" speech in silhoutte, Ghandi is down stage center non-violently resisting the riot police.

Watch the MET's promo video for the opera --




OR ELSE!

I coulda been a contenda'

Just need to stop:
(think think think)
what is meant to
B___________E
… is meant to be


I feel like breaking free from the constraints of my self-imposed “style,” - maybe a dip into the new and exciting. An exploration of uncharted territory (whatever that might be)? Yeah, prose is the way to go - At least for this post.

I’m really depressed about messing up my monologue at the audition. I know there are many factors that play into getting the gig (aside from talent, haha), but I was so right for this – so, so right, and it seemed like everything was lining up in my favor, but alas. Now the truth is that I haven’t heard from them, but it’s been two days and “no news is bad news” in this biz. Some say 'maybe' but I can feel it in my gut that it's a no go. I just wasn't connected during the monologue. Fuck you, Shakespeare. I know I shouldn’t dwell on it and scrutinize myself, but I can't help replaying the whole event over and over and over in my mind ad nauseum.

I should have done the monologue that my mom suggested. Instead I went with my acting teacher. FUCK. But right, I can’t dwell. Can’t complain – at least I had the opportunity to audition. It was my first audition as well, so I guess at least I have the experience to take from it.

T H E E X P E R I E N C E

Fuck that. I guess I just had my hopes up really high – so high that the crash feels like a b u r n/ I seem to be hitting the ground a lot lately. slump. I don’t like being in(side) a slump. Things were feeling good – everything was right.

I need to learn to:
C O N T A I N
myself! You know, me.

part of me feels like I never want to audition again. I feel so unmotivated in school, and this is definitely NOT the right time for all this negative emotion. Too much work for that.

Learning to be P R I V A T E

Sitting slumped in my chair
head down
eyes closed
trying to be private

had an audition today
a B I G audition:
ensemble violinist/understudy
for this summer’s Hamlet
P R O D U C T I O N
(S E D U C T I O N)
at Shakespeare in the park.

I mean, wow!

But, to be private, or not
is R E A L L Y the question.
I think I did a good job
in the violin section
of the audition.
The composer seemed
impressed, interested

My monologue, however
Left something…

From Troilus and Cressida:
“Boldness comes to me right now, and brings me heart.
Prince Troilus, I have loved you night and day
For many weary months.
Hard to seem won; but I was won, my lord,
With the first glance that ever – pardon me –
If I confess much, you will play the tyrant.
I love you now; but not, till now, so much
But I might master it. In faith, I lie;
My thoughts were like unbridled children, grown
Too headstrong for their mother. See, we fools!
Why have I blabb’d? who shall be true to us,
When we are so unsecret to ourselves?
But, though I loved you well I woo’d you not;
And yet, good faith, I wish’d myself a man,
Or that we women had men’s privilege
Of speaking first. Sweet, bid me hold my tongue,
For in this rapture I shall surely speak
The thing I shall repent. See, see, your silence,
Cunning in dumbness, from my weakness draws
My very soul of counsel! Stop my mouth.
My lord, I do beseech you, pardon me;
‘Twas not my purpose, thus to beg a kiss.”

… to be desired.

But who knows what
they are lookin’ fo
plus, the competition seemed
F I E R C E
fuckin’ new york city

green green light
red light
green green light
red light

---------------------------------------------

an analysis?
I think I tried my best
nerves? No.
P R I V A C Y
I was too conscious
of my judges
not comfortable
enough with text.
we’ll see
but i
ain’t
holdin my breath.

A DIRECTOR'S BLOCK

I am suffering from
a debilitating case of director’s block

falling down
falling down
down on the ground
h
o
w

d
e
a
f

is your

LOVE

--------------------------------------

i feel like milquetoast
WA L K A L L O V E R M E

wants, needs, desires
why did I choose this play?
Why did it speak to me?

working, buzzing, bumbling
honeybee, stuck in a tree.

Only three weeks left
Only three weeks to go
Only three weeks MORE
H O M E S T R E T C H

to be or not

The coming of spring

All around I’m fuller, -
H E A L T H I E R
happier? Well who knows
about that one

Might be, though
Or maybe it’s just the spring warmth
that is t i c k l i n g my blood.
but things seem cheery
gaa a a aa a a a a y!

need to discover bitter sauces
rehearsal went really well
p r o g r e s s / r e g r e s s – undress?

Cab with lady warfare:
n o t s o b a d a f t e r a l l
“swapping your blood with formaldehyde”

diving off the deep end

R.I.P. XANGA

we had a good run together out in cyber land, but it is time to move on to bigger and better forms of blogging. I don't think I'll completely destroy said account, however posts will most likely not be posted there.

* * *

i am researching about this director TADEUSZ KANTOR
he types like t h i s sometimes
to e m p h a s i z e what he is saying -
his manifestos are hard to read
interesting but r e a l l y time consuming

eaten. alive.

I'm feeling better lately
there are no regrets regarding the surgery

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

school continues to a m a z e me
i've realised that thorough and dedicated
R E S E A R C H
is needed in order for me to grow

grow gr o w g r o w g r o w

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have
finally come to appreciate opera
in search of tragic aria
maybe not t r a g i c per say
dark-sounding
complimentary to my
E X P R E S S I O N I S T I C
enterprise?

~~~~~~```~~~~~~~~~~````````~~~~~~~~~~~ ```````~~~~~~~~~~``````~~~~~~~~```

find more of myself now
h e ali n g
better respect and care
N E E D E D


Sonnet 118
Like as, to make our appetites more keen,
With eager compounds we our palate urge;
As, to prevent our maladies unseen,
We sicken to shun sickness when we purge;
Even so, buing full of ne'er-cloying sweetness,
To bitter sauces did I frame my feeding;
And, sick of welfare, found a kind of meetness
To be diseas'd ere that there was true needing.
Thus policy in love, t'anticipate
The ills that were not, grew to faults assured,
And brought to medicine a healthful state,
Which, rank of goodness, would by the lesson true,
But thence I learn, and find the lesson true,
Drugs poison him that so feel sick of you.


Happy birthday, Silhouettedsarah blog!