I coulda been a contenda'

Just need to stop:
(think think think)
what is meant to
B___________E
… is meant to be


I feel like breaking free from the constraints of my self-imposed “style,” - maybe a dip into the new and exciting. An exploration of uncharted territory (whatever that might be)? Yeah, prose is the way to go - At least for this post.

I’m really depressed about messing up my monologue at the audition. I know there are many factors that play into getting the gig (aside from talent, haha), but I was so right for this – so, so right, and it seemed like everything was lining up in my favor, but alas. Now the truth is that I haven’t heard from them, but it’s been two days and “no news is bad news” in this biz. Some say 'maybe' but I can feel it in my gut that it's a no go. I just wasn't connected during the monologue. Fuck you, Shakespeare. I know I shouldn’t dwell on it and scrutinize myself, but I can't help replaying the whole event over and over and over in my mind ad nauseum.

I should have done the monologue that my mom suggested. Instead I went with my acting teacher. FUCK. But right, I can’t dwell. Can’t complain – at least I had the opportunity to audition. It was my first audition as well, so I guess at least I have the experience to take from it.

T H E E X P E R I E N C E

Fuck that. I guess I just had my hopes up really high – so high that the crash feels like a b u r n/ I seem to be hitting the ground a lot lately. slump. I don’t like being in(side) a slump. Things were feeling good – everything was right.

I need to learn to:
C O N T A I N
myself! You know, me.

part of me feels like I never want to audition again. I feel so unmotivated in school, and this is definitely NOT the right time for all this negative emotion. Too much work for that.